Study finds many divorce-lawyer clients are not fully decided

A new study cited by New York psychologist and former attorney Peter Lobl found that 51% of 100 couples in Discernment Counseling had contacted a divorce lawyer before counseling, and 31% of those couples later chose therapy to try to save the marriage. The findings point lawyers toward screening for divorce ambivalence early, before legal steps accelerate a decision that may not be final.

Why it matters: - Divorce clients may be less decided than they first appear, which can affect legal strategy, settlement talks and the pace of a case. - Identifying ambivalence early can steer some couples toward a process designed to clarify whether to reconcile, separate or try therapy. - For lawyers, screening for uncertainty may reduce starts, stops and reversals that can complicate divorce matters.

What happened: - A study of 100 consecutive couples in Discernment Counseling found that 51% had at least one spouse who had contacted a divorce lawyer before counseling. - Among those couples with prior lawyer contact, 31% later chose six months of couples therapy in an effort to save the marriage. - The findings were highlighted in an article by New York clinical psychologist and former attorney Peter Lobl, JD, PhD. - The article argues that a client who seeks legal advice may still be asking a deeper question: whether the marriage should end at all.

The details: - Lobl says unrecognized divorce ambivalence can lead a client to authorize legal steps and then reconsider them, delay decisions, change settlement positions or spend meeting time weighing whether divorce is right. - Signs of ambivalence can include asking whether other clients change their minds, worrying about later regret or seeking detailed divorce-process information while hesitating to move forward. - Lobl recommends asking new clients which of four statements best matches their view of divorce: fully finished with the marriage, mixed feelings, open to reconciliation if the spouse changes, or wanting to work hard to repair the marriage. - That four-part typology was developed by University of Minnesota professor William J. Doherty and colleagues in research on reconciliation interests among divorcing parents. - A client who is still unsure does not need legal advice to become counseling, but may benefit from a referral to Discernment Counseling. - Discernment Counseling is designed for married couples considering divorce but still uncertain about the future of the marriage, especially when one spouse leans toward divorce and the other wants to preserve the relationship. - The process is brief and structured, with no more than five sessions. - The goal is to help spouses choose among three paths: maintaining the status quo, moving toward separation or divorce, or committing to six months of couples therapy. - Unlike traditional couples therapy, Discernment Counseling does not assume both spouses want to repair the relationship and does not aim to persuade couples to stay married. - Lobl says the counselor takes a nonjudgmental, balanced approach and helps each partner gain clarity and confidence about what to do next.

Between the lines: - The article frames divorce ambivalence as a practical issue for lawyers, not just a personal one. - The main implication is that a legal intake can uncover emotional uncertainty that belongs in a counseling setting before the divorce process hardens positions. - The research-backed framing may appeal to family-law professionals looking for a clearer way to sort clients who are decided from those who are still on the fence.

What's next: - Couples who leave Discernment Counseling with a decision to divorce can return to the legal process with more clarity. - Couples who choose therapy may spend six months trying to save the marriage instead of immediately proceeding with a split. - Lobl offers Discernment Counseling virtually and in person through his practice, Peter W. Lobl, JD PhD Clinical Psychologist. - More information is available on Peter Lobl’s website and his LinkedIn profile.

The bottom line: - Contacting a divorce lawyer does not always mean a client is ready to divorce, and early screening for ambivalence may change the path a marriage takes.